Deadpool plans to have Marc Guggenheim killed
by Aragorn II Elessar
Summary: Wade and many villains plan to kill Marc Guggenheim for what he has done to Arrow. Based on "Hitler Plans to Have Justin Bieber Killed." Crack fic


**Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool or anything else you may recognize**

**I got this idea from a set of three parody videos called "Hitler Plans to Have Justin Bieber Killed." The videos were uploaded by Soalric Parker on YouTube. So thank you to him for the inspiration.**

**This is going to be just like that, except its Deadpool planning to kill Marc Guggenheim.**

"Oh my God! Endgame was so amazing!" Wade cried out to his villain friends as they sat together around a table in a room of his apartment, "I am still laughing and crying over it! Just like the guy writing me!"

"What?" Lord Voldemort asked in confusion.

"Nothing." Wade said before they all heard the loud noise of the TV.

"Leaving town?"

Wade immediately recognized the voice as that of Curtis "I am full of bullshit" Holt aka Mr. Horrific from the show "Arrow."

"Blind Al is hearing that accursed show again!" Wade ranted angrily as he held the Pencil of Doom in his hand, "I loved the show in the first two seasons. Then Guggie took over and ruined it. Somehow, Season 5 managed to be amazing again. Probably because someone wrote it secretly and he took credit. But 6x1 onwards, the mystery writer is gone and Guggie is back again!"

He could hear more of the show and roared angrily, "WHAT IS SO GREAT ABOUT GUGGIE?! A 10 year old can write better than him!"

As he finished his sentence, he threw the Pencil of Doom on the table and it exploded, destroying the table and the TV outside.

The smoke cleared a while later as everyone sat silently.

"Like Hitler said for Justin Bieber in the parody whose parody we are in now", Wade said, confusing everyone again, "It is up to me to stop Marc Guggenheim! I have to stop Guggenheim!"

Looking up, Wade said, "We're meeting in 10 minutes. Go gather all the villains you can."

* * *

10 minutes later

"What is this gathering for, Wade?" Darth Sidious asked him as he stood with Darth Vader.

"I have invited Marc Guggenheim here to give him a prestigious TV award." Wade told his plan, "Little does he know that he's walking to his certain demise."

"How are you planning to do this?" Vader asked him.

"Hans Gruber has asked the Maggia and other murderers like Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Leatherface for their assistance in this plot." Wade said as he looked over at the map of New York City he had had.

"We should also consult with Guggenheim's personal psychiatrist." Freddy Krueger suggested.

"Yeah, he can give us the beep-beep we need." Pennywise the Dancing Clown said in a dancing motion.

"Thanos, do you have your glove?" Wade asked as he turned to him.

"No." Thanos said in a pained voice, "They beat me."

"You suck." Wade told him mockingly, "Brolin is so much better as Cable. You got your ass handed to you in Endgame. GET OUT OF HERE!"

Thanos ran off with tears in his eyes.

"He didn't even see me! I am alive!" Loki, who had been sitting behind Thanos the entire time before he ran off, said in annoyance.

That moment, Voldemort walked in, bruised and limping.

"What the hell happened to you, Old Tom Voldy? Hit yourself over not being able to smell pizza?" Wade asked.

"I went to invite Sauron. He did this to me, saying how a "lowly wannabe Dark Lord" like me doesn't get to beckon the "second best Dark Lord ever."" Voldemort said in pain as he struggled to maintain his footing.

"He is weak! Kill him! I command it!" Joffey Baratheon said angrily as he looked at Voldemort.

Wade took out his sword as Voldemort fell to his knees in fear. At the last moment, Wade swung his sword at Joffrey and cut off his head instead.

Turning to Ramsay Bolton, he said, "Feed this asshat to your dogs, asshat. Or at least his pork sausage."

"With pleasure." Ramsay smirked as he carried Joffrey's body and head away.

"So its decided." Wade said as he turned back to the remaining villains, "We'll have his doctor here."

"But man, killing people like this instead of face to face is totally not groovy." Sephiroth said to him.

"Will you stop talking like a hippie? Its annoying!" Wade said as he smashed his fist on the table, "Besides, you stabbed an unarmed woman who was praying from the back."

"Uhhh…. That was a different scenario." Sephiroth defended himself lamely.

"GET OUTTA HERE SEPHY! GO TO YOUR MOMMY! HAVE FUN IN THE LIFESTREAM!" Wade screamed.

Sephiroth sighed and turned into a green mist, disappearing into the lifestream.

"So, we will answer with all the violence we have got?" Frieza asked Wade just to be sure.

"Yes!" Wade said, "I will destroy Guggie and decimate all the Olicity fanatics to whom he panders!"

* * *

Later

Ramsay Bolton was watching as his hounds ate Joffrey when suddenly Wade chopped off his head from behind and threw him over to the hounds as well.

They ate him up too as Wade walked off, "Imagine if Sansa Stark had unleashed her inner phoenix and disintegrated your pork sausage."

* * *

Next day

Wade watched along with his friends as Guggie's personal psychiatrist was brought to him, strapped onto a column with a mask on him.

"This is Guggie's personal psychiatrist- Hannibal Lecter." Kefka Palazzo announced and then laughed hysterically for no reason.

"Welcome, doctor." Wade said, "If you aid our mission, I will reward you greatly."

After a few seconds of silence, Lecter spoke, "I won't waste your time bargaining for petty privileges. Clarice Starling and that awful Jack Crawford have wasted too much of my time already."

"I don't know about Jodie Foster but yeah, Stick can be a pain in the ass. Ask Matt Murdock." Wade said randomly.

"Let me help you now and I will trust you to do what is right when this is all over." Lecter said.

"You have my word, All-Father." Wade said in a serious tone.

"I met him just once." Lecter said, "He was referred to me in April or May by my patient- Benjamin Raspbell."

"How did he look?" Wade asked.

"5 feet 10 inches, bald, 180 pounds." Lecter told them, "He said he is being called "Uncle Guggie" lovingly by his followers."

Wade sighed angrily, feeling sick to his stomach, and then cut off John "Jigsaw" Kramer's head next to him before he could think of some really brutal torture for Guggie as he wanted to get it over with quickly.

"If I remember anymore, I will let you know." Lecter promised.

"Good. Good. Thank you, doctor." Wade said thankfully.

"Oh, and one more thing." Lecter said as Wade turned to him.

"Love your rubber condom."

* * *

Later

Deadpool was standing in his room as Voldemort stood in front of him.

"Wade."

Wade looked up at him as he said, "I need some help regarding a personal issue."

"Make it fast. I have someone coming who wants to accept a murder job." Wade said in an annoyed tone as he sat down.

His lips quivering, Voldemort said, "My-my followers, tell me I scream like-like Shelley Duvall."

"That simply cannot be true." Wade said, "With the amount of fat around your vocal chords and that ridiculous laugh of yours, it is physically impossible for you to have a high voice."

As he said that, Jack Torrance stood outside the door. With an insane look on his face, he knocked.

"Now go. Mr. Torrance is here for his interview." Wade said simply.

"Little pigs. Little pigs. Let me come in." Torrance said insanely.

"The door is unlocked, Nicholson!" Wade said.

"Not by the hair on your chinny-chin-chin." Torrance ranted like a madman.

Voldemort had an expression of fear on his face.

Raising his axe, Torrance said, "Then I'll huff...and I'll puff...and I'll blow your house in!"

With that, he struck the door with his axe and Voldemort screamed- exactly like Shelley Duvall.

"Holy shit! How can you scream like that when you have such a ridiculous laugh?" Wade said in annoyance as Torrance continued hitting the door while Voldemort screamed.

Adrian Chase and Slade Wilson arrived outside the door and watched the sight with amusement.

"Do it, Torrance. You want to and you like it." Chase egged him on, "We must make Guggenheim wish he were dead for what he did to my master plan."

"Guggenheim must suffer for what he did to me." Slade said.

"You freak of nature! How can you scream like that?" Wade demanded Voldemort as Torrance continued hitting the door and Voldemort screamed.

* * *

Light Yagami was about to write a name on his Death Note when Voldemort's screams distracted him and he wrote his own name by mistake, dying of a heart attack 40 seconds later.

* * *

Alien and Predator were fighting in the basement when Voldemort's screams made them roar in rage and run out of the building together.

* * *

Torrance managed to destroy the door as Voldemort begged in Shelley Duvall's voice, "Please! Please! Please!"

Torrance put his head through the broken door and with an insane smirk declared, "Here's Johnny!"

Voldemort screamed and fainted at the sight as Wade said, "For God's sake, we have a doorknob!"

Torrance put his hand through the broken door to open the doorknob as Wade roared, "IT IS NO USE NOW! GET OUT NICHOLSON!"

* * *

Later

Wade and the other villains were dining around the table as Cersei Lannister said, "Clearly, Jack Torrance wasn't right for us."

"I managed to contact the Maggia. Yippee Ki Yay!" Hans Gruber said with a smirk as Voldemort shot him an odd look due to his resemblance to Snape.

* * *

Later

Wade was sitting on his chair as Dr. Jonathan Crane walked in.

"Have a seat." Wade said simply.

As Crane sat in front of him, Wade said, "I want you to know that I know your secret."

"About what? You don't know anything." Crane said.

"Don't play dumb with me, Crane." Wade said, "I know that you have been in contact with the Maggia, and we require their assistance with an issue."

"Well, I already know what he'll say. That we should kill you." Crane said simply.

"Why would they say that? And they are retards if they think they can do that!" Wade said simply.

Taking off his glasses, Crane said, "Would you like to see my mask? I use it in my experiments."

Taking it out, he said, "Probably not very frightening to a guy like you. But these crazies, they can't stand it."

"Fucking loonybird." Wade cursed as Crane sprayed him with the toxin.

"THEY SCREAM AND THEY CRY! MUCH AS YOU'RE DOING NOW!"

Wade cut off his head and said, "Dude, I am not. The Spirit of Vengeance couldn't do a thing to me. Your toxin is trash."

* * *

Later

"That didn't go so well." Cersei said simply.

"Operation: Destroy Guggie cannot proceed without a hitman." Wade said simply.

Looking around, Cersei suddenly asked, "Where is my son?"

Panicking, Wade suddenly cut off her head, "That was for Missandei of Naath, bitch!"

Turning back to the others, he said, "We will have to suffer Guggie's shows."

Suddenly, they all heard insane laughter around them and looked around in confusion. They turned to see a man in a purple suit with green hair, a face as white as chalk and a red smile carved across his face.

"And I thought my jokes were bad." He said.

"Holy crap. It's the Joker." Darth Vader said as he watched the scene.

"How about a magic trick?" Joker asked as everyone looked at him while he took out a pencil, "I'm going to make this pencil disappear."

Jeff the Killer walked up to Joker with a knife to shake his hand, "Mr. Joker, I'm a really big fan of yours. Now go to sleep."

Joker shook his hand and slammed him into the pencil, piercing his eye as he fell on the ground.

"TADA! It's gone."

"That didn't seem very magical." Jeff whimpered in pain as he lay on the ground, the pencil sticking out of his eye.

"Now hold on, whatever you are selling, we don't want it." Hans Gruber said.

"Hold on. This could be our chance to hire a killer." Wade said as he looked at Joker, "Mr. Joker, we need your help in eliminating a showrunner who will be here tomorrow."

Looking at the other villains, Joker asked, "What happened? Did your balls drop off? Hmm?"

"This job can get very difficult and frustrating." Wade told him.

"It's simple." Joker said.

"You must be crazy to think this is simple." Wade said.

"No, I'm not." Joker said, "If we don't deal with this now, soon…"

Wade didn't listen to him as he imagined the horrible future if Guggenheim continued on.

_Guggenheim was Winner of Showrunner of Year, 2018._

_Guggenheim was Winner of Showrunner of the Decade._

_Guggenheim won Best Showrunner of all time_

"We agree." Wade said as he came out of his thoughts, "For the sake of good television and an Arrow that is good again, we must act decisively tomorrow."

Turning to Joker, he said, "Let us get you your weapons."

Joker turned to Kefka Palazzo and pointing at his boots said, "Ahem! There is a bad creepypasta on your boots!"

Voldemort quickly ran up to Kefka and wiped his boots like the obedient servant he was, "All gone sir!"

Joker and Kefka Palazzo laughed together hysterically before the latter said, "How pathetic!"

* * *

Next day

"Guggenheim left his plane and boarded a van." Pinhead informed Wade, "Probably will experience more pleasure in there."

"The Joker immediately departed this place driving our van." Darth Sidious told Wade as he pointed at the map.

"He intercepted Guggie at this intersection here, and they're currently engaged in a car chase through the city." Maleficent finished as Wade looked over at the map.

"Lower the big screen then. I want to watch it myself." Wade commanded.

The villains did as commanded and after a few seconds, the footage came on.

* * *

Same time

Joker sped his van after Guggie's van, "I like this job!"

He laughed hysterically.

* * *

Wade's lair

"Wade, I think we forgot to tell Joker something." Voldemort said, "I am sure of it! We did not tell him how to deal with a case of Spontaneous Truck Jumping Syndrome."

Looking up, Wade asked, "What on Earth is STJS?"

* * *

Same time

Joker's van flipped over and fell down.

* * *

In Guggie's van, his driver said, "I'm not dying today."

"Neither am I. I will survive." Guggie said before shooting is driver dead.

* * *

Joker crawled out from under the van, holding his machine gun. He walked around hysterically as Guggie stepped out of his van and aimed at Joker.

But the Clown Prince of Crime simply emptied his gun on Guggie, ripping into him bullet after bullet, "Come on ... Come on ... I want you to do it. Come on! Hit me ... hit me! Hit me!"

Guggie was dead before he hit the ground but Joker continued firing at him hysterically before he threw the gun away and took out a knife as he walked towards the dead showrunner.

One of Joker's henchmen tried to check Guggie's pulse but got a massive electric shock in response. Joker laughed hysterically and kicked the henchman in a crazy manner.

He then looked over at Guggie and kneeled closer to him, knife in hand…

**Censored for the good of children and because of T rating**

* * *

Wade's lair

"The great menace to TV is dead." Maleficent told Wade.

"He certainly is." Wade said, "Just like Bieber in the original parody."

Looking at everyone, he said, "Now the only thing left to do is mock the horror of all the former Olicity fanatics."

"But your murder has thrown the universe out of whack, man!" Xehanort said.

"Object me again and I will throw you out of whack!" Wade said angrily.

"Karma will get you." Xehanort said.

"It will be very good." Mundus stated matter of fact.

"Yes. Considering that I just saved the world of television, I should get good karma for the rest of my life!"

* * *

**And that's done. The menace to TV and Arrow is dead.**

**Hope you enjoyed.**


End file.
